Ten weeks ago, the doctors said my mom had two weeks to live. This morning, she passed away in her sleep. Not once did she complain nor did she say that it's not fair. She is such an amazing woman. Last month two close family friends, George Appia and Larry Hagensen also passed away because of cancer. I can't imagine what it must have been like for her to attend funerals knowing that hers might be next. But she just kept smiling. Although she slept through her last few days, she kissed me, Katie and Dad yesterday. If I ever have to experience anything like this, I just hope that I can show the patience, strength and grace that my mom did, and if something like this ever happens to Mary, I hope that I can be as loving and faithful as my dad has been.

Here is a story that should paint a picture of what kind of woman my mom was:

A doctor friend emailed my dad last month. He said that when he was younger, he applied to Julliard School of Music, but he was not accepted, so he decided to go to medical school instead. After twenty years of not touching his instrument, my mom began inviting him to play in the band for "Ham on Regal," a theatrical production put on yearly by parents of Ferris High School students. After that, she talked him into playing with the Eagles Arie #2 concert band and also with the Coeur d 'Alene Symphony. In the email, this doctor friend told how my mom gave him back a part of his life that he had lost and that because of her, he has rediscovered joy in his life.

I am going to miss her so much.

I found out that my mom has cancer. When I'm with people, I can still feel normal, and cheerful even. Then I feel guilty. When I'm alone, I cry harder than I have ever cried before. I really don't want to lose her yet.

Weight feels Heavy

Lately I've been pretty stress-free, but not to long ago I realized something. Well, alot of things. Right now I'm trying to juggle work, a masters program, ministry at church, bible study, a sweet blues band I'm in, being engaged (man, it's been a long time since my last post), planning a wedding, and now being sick. cough, cough. It's not easy, but miraculously, I feel ok. That's all.

emotional rollercoaster

Most days in my life are filled with silly adventures, fun conversations, and tons of joyful bursts of laughter. I'm talking about the kind of laughter that comes from the pit of your belly and sometimes hurts. Most nights I find myself laying my head on my pillow to a calm, peaceful rest. But yesterday was different, and the funny thing is that I am still not sure why. My experience yesterday started with a feeling of not being loved (although I know better) and grew to thoughts, or even daydreams of terrible and fatal accidents happening to the people I love the most. Then, I couldn't stop thinking of what it would be like without them, and it felt like my heart physically sank down from my chest to my stomach. Then I fell asleep. I hope this isn't the beginnig of a painful trend.

Sunscreen Song

Do you remember that song that came out in high school? You know, the one where the speaker advises everyone to use sunscreen because the benefits have been scientifically proven. Then he goes on to dispense a ton of other charming pieces of advice like, "be nice to your knees. You'll miss them when their gone," and "do something every day that scares you." Such a nice song... but I still don't wear sunscreen (unless my Mary puts it on for me). ;o)

Entry #2 (several months later)

Dear Lord,

I can't help feeling the weight and despair of not being the man others would call a man of God. My heart is burdened because although I strongly desire to be in your will, like an unruly child I choose what is not right. Please cleanse me, oh Lord. Purify me from all impurity and make me more like you: Loving, Caring, Obedient, Considerate, Strong, Beautiful. I need you, because I know that I cannot accomplish what is good on my own. I long for true joy, your joy, again.
Love,
David

First Blog!
Thoughts for the day:
-I think I have fallen in love with lemon-flavored desserts.
-I work in a restaurant and I still spell dessert with one "s" the first time.
-"uh! yeah! that's right!" I said as I listened to some latin jazz-funk in my car today.

T minus 1.5 months until the mustache competetion. I think I can beat my "last-year's stache."